I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. – Lewis Black
And I know this happens because I took economics, and Id explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 oclock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. – Lewis Black
If youre working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. Thats why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. – Lewis Black
A father and two sons run Adelphia. Its a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people – three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? Lets send the monkey to Mars, Dad! – Lewis Black