I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. Its not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but Ill do it because its a moment that will stick with me forever. – Tim Allen
Men are liars. Well lie about lying if we have to. Im an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. – Tim Allen
Never comment on a womans rear end. Never use the words large or size with rear end. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. – Tim Allen
Id love to have First Lady Michelle Obama over and ask, How do you make your marriage work? I think the president is sexy as all get-out, but he has got to get on her nerves some kind of way. Hes this wonderful, powerful man, but she sees him leaving his socks on the floor. – Sherri Shepherd