Genealogy. An account of ones descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. – Ambrose Bierce
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. – Ambrose Bierce
Deliberation. The act of examining ones bread to determine which side it is buttered on. – Ambrose Bierce
Laughter — An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. – Ambrose Bierce