Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others. – Ambrose Bierce
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. – Ambrose Bierce
Patience: A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue. – Ambrose Bierce
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills. – Ambrose Bierce
The word conservative is used by the BBC as a portmanteau word of abuse for anyone whose views differ from the insufferable, smug, sanctimonious, naive, guilt-ridden, wet, pink orthodoxy of that sunset home of the third-rate minds of that third-rate decade, the nineteen-sixties. – Norman Tebbit