Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others. – Ambrose Bierce
A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. – Ambrose Bierce
Mammals: a family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle. – Ambrose Bierce
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. – Ambrose Bierce