I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. – Mark Twain
She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. – Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. – Mark Twain
Although we have, in theory, abolished human slavery, recognized womens rights, and stopped child labor, we continue to enslave other species who, if we simply pay attention, show quite clearly that they experience parental love, pain, and the desire for freedom, just as we do. – Ingrid Newkirk