Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. – Murphy’s Law
There are men whom you will never dislodge from an opinion, except by taking possession of it yourself. – Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function. – Richard Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. “The Mudge,” fr
Almost all of our relationships begin and most of them continue as forms of mutual exploitation, a mental or physical barter, to be terminated when one or both parties run out of goods. – W. H. Auden
The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. Youre going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world. – Rob Corddry
