Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven. – April Winchell
If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire—then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. – Sigmund Wollman, quoted by Robert Fulghum, Uh-Oh, 1991