President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isnt that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003. – Conan OBrien
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and youre kind, amazing things will happen. – Conan OBrien
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. – Conan OBrien
Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. – Conan OBrien
After all these years, its still amazing what Obama is allowed to get away with. He says low gas prices in 2009 were caused by a terrible economy, but then claims that the lower number of illegal aliens crossing the border is because of his border policies, not the same lousy economy. – Howie Carr