My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo. – Billy Connolly
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. – Billy Connolly
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey… Doesnt try it on. – Billy Connolly
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, dont sit in the dark hiding. Its easy to hide and shout and waste peoples time. – Billy Connolly