My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo. – Billy Connolly
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. – Billy Connolly
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. – Billy Connolly
Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Weldings a mystery to me now. You cant go back, your life changes every day. – Billy Connolly
I hate war for its consequences, for the lies it lives on and propagates, for the undying hatreds it arouses, for the dictatorships it puts in the place of democracies, and for the starvation that stalks after it. I hate war, and never again will I sanction or support another. – Harry Emerson Fosdick