And I know this happens because I took economics, and Id explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 oclock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. – Lewis Black
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. – Lewis Black
Its absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, weve got rockets, weve got saran wrap – fix it! – Lewis Black
A father and two sons run Adelphia. Its a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people – three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? Lets send the monkey to Mars, Dad! – Lewis Black
I was on the point of cutting the cord that suspended me between heaven and earth… and measured with my eye the vast space that separated me from the rest of the human race… I felt myself precipitated with a velocity that was checked by the sudden unfolding of my parachute. – André-Jacques Garnerin, 1797