Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless. – Matt Groening, The Simpsons

The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little. – Ray Bradbury, The Golden Apples of the Sun

Ninety-eight percent of American homes have TV sets, which means the people in the other 2% have to generate their own sex and violence. – Attributed to Gene Baylos