Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. – Ambrose Bierce
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. – Ambrose Bierce
Mammalia, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle. – Ambrose Bierce
Land: A part of the earths surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure. – Ambrose Bierce