I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. Its good for a kid to know how to make gloves. – Ellen DeGeneres
I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres. – Ellen DeGeneres

