My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. – Graham Norton
Straight men just cant imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. – Graham Norton
The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so its a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. – Graham Norton
All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. Im relatively available, but not to live with. – Graham Norton