The three most important things a man has are, briefly, his private parts, his money, and his religious opinions. – Samuel Butler
It has been said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly. – Samuel Butler
Neither have they hearts to stay, nor wit enough to run away. – Samuel Butler
Sometimes, comics will make the observation that its not jokes that are funny, its characters that are funny. And isnt that true! Thats why I always kill jokes. Im terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I cant get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon. – David Mitchell