Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. – Elbert Hubbard
The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed – it is a process of elimination. – Elbert Hubbard
God will not look you over for medals degrees or diplomas, but for scars. – Elbert Hubbard
A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in the experience. – Elbert Hubbard
Id love to have First Lady Michelle Obama over and ask, How do you make your marriage work? I think the president is sexy as all get-out, but he has got to get on her nerves some kind of way. Hes this wonderful, powerful man, but she sees him leaving his socks on the floor. – Sherri Shepherd