Golf is hockey at the halt. – Arthur Marshall, 1985
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The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. – Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975
One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens. – Pete Alfano